Tomorrow is the day we take our little harli Monster for her first evaluation with Cleveland Clinic center for autism. My biggest fear is finding out I'm just a bad mom. Since I first suspected she may be a little different than others her age I tried to push it out of my mind. Then her pediatrician noticed some things and asked if I had ever wondered.
I left that appointment heartbroken and terrified of how my little was going to make it in an already awfully hard world. My patience with her instantly improved. I'm ashamed to admit that I was surprised nothing inside of my changed. I didn't resent her. I didn't regret my decision to get pregnant even though I knew risks of older pregnancies. Nothing I felt for her from the second she was conceived had changed. My love continues to grow stronger for her every day. She continues to blow my mind. I'm ready to be the arms that wrap around her to keep her safe when the world seems too large. I'm not upset or disappointed that she isn't like other kids. I just simply understand.
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